Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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