just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
