New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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