toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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