By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
