Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
