Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
should my penis look like a turkey
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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