she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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