I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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