apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
