it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
