I just pynch a tree in the face
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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