god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
