Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
