I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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