She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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