not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
