This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
