There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
