we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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