Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
