false alarm. still invincible.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
