You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
