I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
