Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
