listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize