Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
