please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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