All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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