I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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