omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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