I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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