Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
