Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
