arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
