someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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