I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
