You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
