My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
