Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
