She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
