Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
