Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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