Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
