She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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