i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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