my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
