I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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