I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
