She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
