I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
