For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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