If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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