Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
