:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
