Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
