I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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