she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
