I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
