As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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