Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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