dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
