No stitches, just platelets and will power
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i dont even know how to be here
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
