We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
