You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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