you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
