Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize