Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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