I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
