Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I supernannyed him into submission
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
