You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
