Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
