my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
