I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
